in search for the answer

the time to make a decision is approaching, and now i question...is this what fate has in store for me? is this what i want in my life? is this where my life is headed? can i take the step that's hardest to take, can i go for change, can i do what i think may be best for all of us?

lotus in the rain

As time flies by, I thought I learned all I had to learn. I thought I was done. The grueling, painful process of learning was over. But, I was wrong.

I question. Why? Why still? Why aren't we over with this yet? Why is there yet more wait? In a whole mesh of complications, why hasn't a solution come through, like a lotus appears in a muddy pond?

I'm not sure how to start this post, so I'll try my best to put down my feelings as they are right now. I see some dewdrops of rain, left behind by a huge thunderstorm, the coming of a new beginning... As afraid as I am for what might come, I'm eager. Anxious for the raging black hole to open up finally and suck in all the pain and leave behind the good.

The fight for the right and for justice continues. And it's climaxed to one of the most gruesome, unbearable points...but there's no turning back now. I keep telling myself, and I believe this to be true: It is the law of nature. What goes up, must come down. And...what goes down, must rise. The time is coming, OUR time is coming...when the right rises, and the wrong falls. I know that God is with us and will stay with us throughout. I believe that these testing times will be over soon. I believe that we will regain, health, wellness, confidence, and the victory that was always ours. I believe that my words are not merely words, but a premonition of what's to come.

I pray for everything to come together, all the forces of nature, all the goodness of the world, and sprout out that lotus that we so seek in this muddy and lonely thunderstorm.

aandhiyon se jhagad rahi hai lau meri...

Jessica: shocked
Jessica: wants Justice
Jessica: just realized that there is no justice, and good intentions fail, and wrong people win.
Jessica: questions Karma...

Song in my head: Khoon Chala (Rang De Basanti)

The last bit of our year, and the pain penetrates deeper than any emotion I've ever felt. It's true what people say, time doesn't wait for anyone. I wanted to go back to my post about heroes of justice. I wanted to also go back to my previous post about revelations. I come across yet another revelation.

We feel defeated. Tired of fighting, tired of fighting for what's right, tired of fighting for morals, tired of asking for justice... tired of living in a world where no authority has authority and the only ones who win are those who aren't just, who are wrong, and who are selfish. If winning is for selfish people, I don't ever want to be so ambitious in my life.

I thought justice alone is its own supporter, it's own reality, its own strength, and its own proof. I refuse to sit back and believe that justice loses. I refuse to believe that fighters of justice can lose.

What happened in the past few months, the realization that took place in the few hours of that Saturday afternoon, nothing can be replaced, forgotten. Nothing can be understood...I know time will make it all better. But will it really?
Was this all that was to be learned from this? Our trust in justice, in the good, is it to be lost?
Time is the only resolution?

I wish I could take away all this pain for us and drink it like the poison Shivji drank. I wish I could really be the change I want to see in this world.

Song in my head: Roobaroo (Rang De Basanti)

happy

i just want to say

I'm really happy today :)

Song in my head: toooo many!!

revelation

"Experience brings about the greatest revelations...." - That was the start of my personal statement. I realized in these 4 days that I've been in Delhi...the number of things that have happened, to me, my loved ones, my family, and others in this country...people are not what they seem to be.

1 2

In the past few days, I've come to realize that I am from a society of followers and no leaders. I live in a society where mankind, supposedly "humane" and "intelligent," oppress others of their own kind for no "reason." Reason -- that which each human seeks not only in every decision he/she makes, but in also emotion he/she feels, and that which ideally sets us apart from animals. Such followers are not only the ones oppressing, but also the ones oppressed.
I just wish everyone knew: Silence is not golden in anywhere except cinema halls! If no one speaks up, nothing will change. If you demand changes, you must demand it each day. Each person of this society wants changes so if everyone just puts their hearts and minds together, we could be each others support. We could be not only the law, or the government, but also the reason as well.

I have realized more clearly the things that give me pain. Imbalance, injustice, and others in pain.

I realized the undying value of a 1-second smile, and the painful tears caused by one uttered word.

I realized the power of ten against the power of one-- 10:1

There are some people we care about, some we trust, and then those very few who we not only care about, but also trust as well. Of all things in the past few days, most importantly I'm starting to realize who I really care about, who I trust, and who I both trust and care about. And soon those who come in none of these categories.

I have realized that there are people, very close to me, who make sacrifices daily of their thoughts, desires, and self-respect to attain balance in their lives. I realized how hard some people, in this very same society that I am from, work and how much they struggle for each and every thing they have or desire.

I realized that while I strongly believed that I wasn't a part of this society, I think I'm one of them, just a follower.

In this short journey of exhausting emotions, painful tears, unforgettable smiles, and echoing laughter....of all things and most importantly, I realized my love, and of course...
my reason.

senior year

5 more months and we all part....the people who have who have shown me my identity, raised me to be myself, shown me the place we ALL hold in each other's life....learning the meaning and depth of relationships...learning, learning, and learning...through the smiles, the cries, the pain, the love, and the belief in each other........ this has been a really bad year for everyone...hearts hurt, mistakes made, friendships deteriorating, trusts broken, relationships changed, and truths revealed.... i wonder if everyone's senior year sucks! :(

i feel sad for those who have lost so much energy, faith, hope, and optimism because of everything that's happened.. i guess this is an important phase in our lives. it's not until now that i've truly realized that it was never about me... it was always about us. us, all the people around me that i care about....a person is not whole w/o his/her family and friends...everything is so interconnected....it's like what we learned in Hinduism class...

i don't know where we will be 5 months from now....but i do know that we are all so deeply connected that nothing can or will ever separate us... no physical barriers, no fights, and no differences... we're forever together.. these 4 years have carved out in our lives an important chapter that have been etched into our memories... not through just picures and quotes, but through laughter and tears, through those things that are not there physically, but will always be there in great spirit...

i want to make a wish for the coming new year... that starting jan 1, 2009, i wish that God brings so much happiness, love, and hope back into everyone's lives.... i wish for the best senior year ever.

i don't want to be great

Great people always give up or lose either someone in their family, or their family.

Mahatma Gandhi
Bhagat Singh
...even Henry Ford

life's problems

A friend once said to me, "You know Jessica, I think life's most complicated problems have the simplest solutions" ~AS
And I said, "You really think so?"

I think back to that conversation now and I realize that life has never had any complicated problems. We just make things more complicated than they are. It really is perspective and intention that can make one simple fact into a 50 page complication.

While science makes me appreciate the complexity of the human mind, daily life hurts my heart :-(

Daal Palak

Today's special: DAAL PALAK/PALAK DAAL

INGREDIENTS

1 cup toor daal
5 oz baby spinach leaves (washed and chopped)
1 tomato (finely chopped)
1 small onion (finely chopped)
1/2 teaspoon ginger garlic paste
1 teaspoon laal mirch (red chilly powder)
1/2 teaspoon garam masala
1 teaspoon haldi (turmeric powder)
1 teaspoon dhania powder (coriander powder)
2 table spoon Oil
1 teaspoon jeera (cumin seeds)
Salt to taste

METHOD

1. Toor daal + haldi + some salt: Boil this about double the amount of water. Or use a pressure cooker or rice cooker if you know how to :-) (This took me 30 minutes probably without a pressure cooker)
   
2. Heat the oil and add cumin seeds.
3. Once the cumin seeds turn brown, add the chopped onions and sautee until they're pretty much fried. (At this point I add a little bit of the masalas to avoid adding them all in the end. This way the spices get absorbed in the food at each step and there's less waiting time in the end.)
4. Keep the heat on medium & add tomatoes and cover the vessel to allow the tomatoes to soften. (At this point, I add some more spice)
5. Put in the chopped spinach leaves and let everything cook for another 5-10 minutes.
6. Once the tomato+onion+spinach mixture is done, go ahead and add the daal to it and let everything cook together for another 5-10 minutes.
7. Make sure to taste for salt etc.
   

child hunger facts

• Every five seconds a child dies because she or he is hungry
  Source: UNICEF Fact Sheet on Child Survival (2007)
  
  
• One out of four children - roughly 146 million - in developing countries are underweight
  Source: The State of the World’s Children 2007, UNICEF

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